Since last Mondays blog post, I have really been thinking about the difficulty to actually BE myself. Sounds silly, right?
Maybe…But have you ever thought about it?
To be honest, posting and sharing a LIVE video was VERY exposing for me.
Monday was without makeup, hair up in a pony tail, just worked out, not a great camera angle and imperfect lighting. Needless to say it was SCARY… I think I might care a little toooooo much what other people think. But I did it because I wanted to confront my own fears and be REAL with each other.
It was important for ME to breakthrough the insecurities I hide under and share from my heart. And you know what is CRAZY?? We reached OVER 3,600 views on that RAW, weak, honest video. 3,600!!!! WHAT THE WHAT!!!? (Video can be found HERE in case you missed it!)
The crazy thing is how many emails, responses and comments FLOODED in by me simply being me. Raw, makeup free, real ME.
It caused my heart to ponder the deeper work God was doing in my heart.
Why do I spend so much time hiding behind the masks?
Why do I fret over what others think of me?
What am I feeling when I give into those fears? Rejection… Sadness… Hopeless… Anxious…
But what is the deeper desire in my heart?
That desire that was put there BY God?
For me its to make an impact.
To see lives and hearts awakened to truth.
To be known, seen and heard for who I truly am, not who I am projecting.
So that’s the question I want to pose to you:
What are you feeling when you allow comparison to steal your joy?
What desires are so deep down inside of you, screaming to be free?
Breaking free of false expectations and truly being YOU. Wild, crazy, YOU.
Think about what you like to do. What your passions are. What YOUR dreams are. What God says about you and how He made you PERFECTLY.
Do you agree with Him?
I struggle with it… still.
BUT I am asking for grace to love me for ME and love what He worked so hard to make.
Think about some of those fears that seem to paralyze you and comment below with something that you LOVE uniquely about YOU!
We are in this fight for life and light TOGETHER!
And don’t even get me started on the lure of “Pinterest Perfect Living” that creates a perfect storm in too many hearts.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t one of those BOOOOO social media posts. Oh please.
I love Pinterest and use Social Media for my business (and have met some AMAZING people over the last few years).
But let’s be honest with how many times we are jealous, envious and comparing our reality with a “perfect face forward” image we see displayed. Best photos, best moments, never struggling… Sound familiar??
THIS is what we need to stop. THIS comparison is stealing our joy.
Let’s be clear about one thing. Comparison didn’t start when social media flew into our lives.
Nope. That little beast has been around for generations, assaulting and shutting down the hearts of men and women alike. Social Media has heightened our awareness, and we need to be on guard of where our hearts are.
But I want to address you, dear daughter, and the fight that you are in.
Did you even realize that? YOU are in a fight for your life.
There is an enemy that is hunting you, doing everything it can to steal your joy, your heart and your core identity. Evil is hunting us all and more often than not, we are completely unaware of the assault.
No wonder I feel like I can’t get out of this pit I’m in...
You, dear daughter, were made in the image of God. You were made PERFECT. Beautiful.
Don’t give me the “But I’m overweight… I’m not pretty… I’m not good enough… strong enough… smart enough” ENOUGH WITH THE LIES!
We have a choice to STOP believing them.
WE have to stop waking up every morning HATING what He so beautifully and purposefully made.
But only you can make that choice.
Please know that I get it. Its real and I have lived most of my life in that space. But we MUST believe what God says that defines us instead of believing what culture is screaming down our necks.
BE this… DO that… LOOK like this… ALWAYS be on… Never fail… SUCK IT UP… BE perfect… STAY quiet… DONT rock the boat… ENOUGH! I can’t take it anymore!
I am so tired of living up to a standard I was never meant to reach.
I am so heartbroken watching my own life and those of dear friends crumble under the weight of comparison.
I am so READY to live in the peace and freedom promised.
We were created in HIS image and if we are accusing what He made, then ultimately we are saying that He is not good and made a mistake.
Go grab your Bible and open it up to Psalm 139 right now and let the truth wash over you.
For you createdmy inmost being; youknit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.
Psalm 139 13-18 (Emphasis mine)
I want you to read that verse again and ask the Father what He was thinking about when He made you.
What were His emotions?
What was His desire?
What purpose were you created for?
Have you ever thought about the fact that you could have been born 100 years ago? 1000 years ago?
But God chose you for THIS time. To be here in THIS generation with THESE pressures and trials to give HIM glory.
We are all in the battle.
We are all in the struggle in some way.
Yet we have a God who is intentional, purposeful and perfect in His leadership.
We have a Father who sees us, knows us and has counted every hair on our heads.
This is who you are beloved. You are His and He is fiercely committed to you.
What if we actually walked in that confidence?
Believed what He said was true?
What if instead of comparing and tearing each other down, we actually spoke life over one another?
Love over one another?
Calling out the beauty we see in each other?
Offering rest to our weary souls and acceptance that we are ALL on the journey to stand before Him in love.
This is such a deep desire, and reach for my life.
I have not always loved well. I recognize this.
I have made many mistakes. I also recognize this.
But I know that God is for me and has given me grace to love, grow and lean into Him. Grace to love others as myself and speak life and truth instead of lies and accusation.
I invite you to ask Him some of these questions.
Let Him touch your heart and give you grace to love who He made.
You are enough. You are loved. You are worthy.
You are adored.
Start the dialogue and let Him pursue the deeper places of your heart.
I’ll do it with you. Who knows, maybe if we stop comparing ourselves so much, we could actually love well.
My heart feels like it is might burst; expanded to a capacity where I know something deep has taken place.
Why? I did something CRAZY!
I journeyed with a few women away to the mountains this past weekend and turned everything OFF.
Cell phone. Computer. Email. Social Media. OFF
MAGICAL.
Have you done that recently? Taken a day or two and unplugged?
Let go of the tangled web of comparison…
I can’t begin to tell you how clear-headed, clean and energized I feel.
Life comes at us at a million miles an hour.
Work demands our strength.
Family requires our attention.
Friends desire our time.
Daily tasks delay without attention.
But what about your heart, dear daughter? Is it alive?
Do you remember glimpses of YOU before the swirls of life took over with its needs?
Are you living from your heart?
In returning home from this weekend, I am pondering the idea, the notion, the audacious and terrifying longing of living from the WHOLE heart.
Not living from my daily task list, work demands or even family necessities. (They never seem to stop, do they?)
But the heart? I’m not sure I have time for all that…
In Biblical language, your heart is the center of the human spirit, from which spring emotions, thought, motivations, courage and action; thus it is the ‘wellspring of life’ (NIV Study Bible Note on Psalm 4:7)
Our heart houses so many beautiful aspects of our identity. It is the source of our thought life, what we feel and all of our deepest desires. How many of us feel like our heart is barely beating, our dreams have fallen under piles of laundry and the feeling of opening up brings up pain and heartache.
All too often we hear voices scream “Suck it up… You don’t have time to feel… You are too much and no one cares…”
Yet God, in the riches of His goodness, has called us to live wholehearted, alive in love with Him. He has crafted us to represent His glory and beauty, aspects of His nature that only women can display. Our heart is essential to our very being, the core of who we are. Without it open, tender and vulnerable, we fall into deception, confusion, isolation and despair. (Anyone else out there??)
Yet there is a Father who loves, sees and cares.
A Father in heaven who wants to take us on the journey to discovering how we can learn to love US.
To be patient with the process, gentle with the journey, humble in the breaking and loving what He intentionally made.
You, beloved, are not a mistake.
You, dear daughter, are not too much.
You are bright, beautiful, astounding, capable, tender, fierce, courageous, inviting, beautiful and life-giving.
You have much to offer and much to experience.
Find a safe place to sit in silence, even for just a few moments, and ask your Father to take you on a journey of discovery. A journey into the place of loving yourself, accepting your faults and patiently opening your heart to His love.
The adventure is worth it.
You have a huge part to play in the most beautiful of stories.
YOURS.
I don’t know about you, but most years I have struggled with my birthday.
The longing to feel celebrated… but the fear of being seen.
It is a tension I’ve known all too well.
But this year is different. This year is full of beauty, wonder and freedom from fear.
Freedom from the fear of being truly known. The fear of walking with an open and vulnerable heart, fierce in love.
The fear of rejection and abandonment. The fear of being truly seen for me.
“Show me your face, let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.” -Song of Songs 2:14
This year I am on the journey towards releasing fear and entering into the adventure of living from the heart.
Truly letting my heart believe what God says about me and allowing my heart to feel and believe that truth.
Living from the place of total surrender.
Living free from comparison, performance and striving.
I want to come to learn how to live a beautiful life.
Did you know that your beauty is shouting and beckoning those around you.
Your beauty speaks. Your beauty is inviting.
Your beauty is real, raw and vulnerable. Your beauty nourishes those around you.
Your beauty is comforting and alluring. Your beauty is meant to inspire, encourage and bring life.
Your beauty draws those around you to God.
This year I am choosing to live open and vulnerable, and I want to invite anyone willing to embark on the journey.
Living with the goal to know and be known by those around me.
Taking down the walls of preservation and letting the gift of love soften me.
Sometimes life hardens us, shames us and causes us to hide. Not anymore. I welcome you 34, with a heart tender, open and expectant ❤
My journey to healthy living has been long and often lonely, but yesterday I posted that I started juicing a week ago and got a HUGE response from so many friends! My in laws gave us a Nutribullet for an early Christmas gift, and I began using it for 2 meals a day. Crazy thing is I am down a dress size, no longer bloated, my headaches have decreased, I am almost completely off Tylenol and caffeine, I’m sleeping better and my blood sugars are AMAZING! I am a happy girl indeed!
I decided to put some of the details that were asked in the post, yet as I started, I think this will become a mini series on gluten free living, detoxing, juicing and how to naturally shift to a healthy lifestyle.
If you haven’t read my journey as to why I live gluten, grain and sugar free, make sure to pop over HERE. In a nutshell, I have a severe gluten intolerance and I am in the process of shifting my ENTIRE life around to try and get my health back into a better balance. (Easier said then done my friends) I want to make sure that everyone understands that what I explain here on this blog is from my own personal research, my own personal testimony and shared experience. If you are like me and have a medical condition, please consult your doctor!
With that said, I want to share a bit of my childhood, so that you understand the reasond I am so personal and passionate with my health and choice of eating. I tend to be wholehearted and extreme in anything I do, so I hope you find my zeal hope-filled and inspiring!
To understand me a bit, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the young age of 3. I’ve been in and out of the hospitals growing up, with a number of life threatening comas which should have taken my life. The Lords hand was on me, and I see that He saved my life to touch and impact others with His life. I’d like to share vulnerably a bit our my own journey and hope that it meets you wherever you are today.
I started “sneak eating” as early as I can remember. As a diabetic, you are told what you can eat and how much you are allowed to consume at certain times of the day. Yet my sweet little sister was allowed to have all sorts of yummy and decedent food that I “wasn’t allowed” to have, and to my adolescent brain, that wasn’t fair.
I became obsessed with food. Addicted. Consumed. It was often times all I could think of. I would strategically sneak into the kitchen when my mom was out of the room and consume as much as I could in a short amount of time. That lead to constant upset stomach aches, high blood sugars and a mental battle that would follow me into adulthood.
Fast forward 25 years or so and you find me at the ripe age of 28. Migraines were weekly battles and my sugar addiction was out of control. You see, the pesky thing with sugar is that once the cycle starts, it is vicious, aggressive, and near impossible to control. I was about to move to Atlanta Georgia for a semester of school, and before I left, my chiropractor suggested getting off all sugar, grains and gluten. (Gluten, what the heck is that? And how will i survive without SUGAR!)
I decided to try it, seeing as no amount of Tylenol could even remotely touch the headaches. Within the first few weeks I experienced so much energy I was floored to keep going. Just 3 months into living gluten, grain and sugar free, I was 22 lbs lighter, walking with nearly NO headaches and sleeping better than I had in years. I ate a diet of clean & lean animal protein (organic when I could afford), nutrient rich organic vegetables and limited amounts of low glycemic index fruits and berries. It was INCREDIBLE!
I moved back home to finish my last semester of school and life happened FAST when I quickly became engaged to my love & best friend Justin. Throughout that season of graduating college with my him living and serving an orphanage in Brazil, planning a wedding and cross country move, I slipped from eating as clean as I once did and fell back into old habit patterns. We arrived in Atlanta in the Fall of 2012 and a few short months later I was nearly bed ridden with sickness while doctors couldn’t figure our what was going on. I was fighting migraines again, chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, malaise, brain fog and social anxiety and felt just downright MISERABLE. Weeks turned into months and months turned into almost a year until we figured out the greatest attack against my system was a teensy little thing called: GLUTEN.
Gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain species, including barley and rye. Gluten gives elasticity to dough, helping it rise and keep its shape and often gives the final product a chewy texture. (Wikipedia)
At this point we were living almost 80-85% “gluten free”. You know, making sure we “sort of” watched out for it. It made sense to eat ALMOST completely off gluten, but I had never actually researched the affects and symptoms that can come alongside of someone struggling with a gluten intolerance.
The intolerance can be linked with a myriad of symptoms such as:
Autoimmune conditions
Chronic diseases
Skin eruptions, eczema, cold sores, acne
Fatigue
Joint pain
Indigestion
Bloating Gas
Heartburn
Constipation
Diarrhea
Congestion
Anxiety
Moodiness or irritability
Headaches or migraines
When NOTHING else seemed to be working, I had been in and out of meeting with dozens of specialists here in Atlanta and tons of blood work drawn, my husband had the most simple of suggestions one night. He said “well babe, since nothing else seems to be working, what if we just cut out the gluten for a few weeks and see how you feel?”
Made sense to me…
So we did it. But not the 85%. Not even the 96%… NO. We went 100% gluten free. We purged the house. We read EVERY label. We stopped eating out in restaurants (I almost died). And you know what? Within 2 weeks my symptoms had decreased and I was able to function for the first time in MONTHS!!! That’s all it took! No doctor could tell me anything otherwise and as we have now been gluten free for 3+ months, we are never going back.
SO… Why did I share all that??
I want to take the next few posts to develop the understanding and issues that gluten, (sugar, grains, processed foods…) bring. Know that since eliminating it from my diet, so many other symptoms have dissolved, and my body is on its way to healing. Did you know that it takes 7-14 days for gluten to exit your body once introduced, and symptoms of bloating, weight gain, severe stomach discomfort and fatigue can be onset within the hour of ingestion.
Gluten is NO JOKE and not just a “fad diet” gimmick. Even if you don’t suffer from an intolerance like I do, the way gluten is processed in wheat etc these days, most bodies do best in eliminating it from their diet altogether.
SO, that’s a teensy introduction to my journey. It has been long, and I am only in the beginning stages of my healing, but I am on a mission to LIVE as full as I can TODAY. I have struggled with food for my whole life if I am honest, but I know that I am meant to LIVE and LIVE abundantly. At this point I will do whatever it takes to LIVE each day to its fullest. My hope for these posts is where other men and women who are on the same quest for health can come together, share stories, encourage and inspire one another.
I hope you stay tuned these next few weeks as I share a few tips and tricks that I have learned along the way and share your own successes and struggles. We are ALL in this together and none of us are alone. Make sure to comment below any questions or testimonies of your own victory!
Follow up post to come in a few days!
Until next time,
