It all comes at us like a hurricane. Winds of testing and winds of refreshing… yet some seasons seem to hurt more than others.
A little over 3 months ago we lost our second baby to the ache of miscarriage.
No one warns you about how its going to affect you.
I mean, honestly, how could they?
Yet as I share my story, I’ve come to learn that so many other women have gone through the same thing. SO many have not had a capacity to process or feel known, grieving in silence and sometimes even shame. And that breaks my heart.
No pain has touched us deeper yet no trial has drawn us deeper.
The very thing that the enemy meant for evil… for tearing… for offending our hearts was the VERY thing that drew us closer to the Father. He who formed us, held us. He who called us and our child by name wept deep tears with us and drew us close.
You want to know what actually anchored my heart these past few months? Hope in the promised restoration of ALL things.
He WILL make all things new in that day.
He WILL wipe away every tear.
He WILL vindicate all that the enemy has stolen.
My hope, my anchor and my rest is in the reality that I will be forever united with the Father and restored to my 2 beautiful children. They are IN HEAVEN now with perfect understanding. They are WITH GOD now, praying for my husband and I to stand firm and hold fast to faith.
I don’t always understand why things happen the way that they do but I know that He is working ALL things together for our good.
I trust that He is perfecting me in love and my life doesn’t end in this age.
I get to live FOREVER with God.
That my dear friends has been the very thing that has given me my voice back.
He will make ALL things new, just in time.
My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come… Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”
-Song of Solomon 2:11-14
If you have walked through grief and feel the weight on your shoulders, know that this is not going to last forever. The Father will declare the time of singing has come.
If you are weighed down with every pressure and burden of life, know that this season will end. The Father will declare the time of singing has come.
If you are lost and without hope, take heart! He has promised that there will be a day where the winter is over and past! The time of singing will come.
Arise, beautiful one, and run to the arms of Love.
Run into the arms of the Father and weep on His shoulder.
He is big enough to carry you through the darkest storms.
Trust Him today and know that He sees you, hears you and sings a song of love over you.
I posted a LIVE Facebook video today and didn’t even mean to have it go 11 MINUTES! Nourishing your soul and walking in gratitude? YES PLEASE!
Sometimes you hit a pocket of truth and you ROLL WITH IT!
I love those moments and know that when the Father speaks words of life, we ALL need to hear them.
Check out this video on nourishing your soul and walking in gratitude daily.
We are all on a journey, fighting various battles and need to connect hearts one to another to truly walk in the freedom that Christ has given us.
Lift your head up today, take a deep breath and be encouraged that you are seen, valued and loved.
Since last Mondays blog post, I have really been thinking about the difficulty to actually BE myself. Sounds silly, right?
Maybe…But have you ever thought about it?
To be honest, posting and sharing a LIVE video was VERY exposing for me.
Monday was without makeup, hair up in a pony tail, just worked out, not a great camera angle and imperfect lighting. Needless to say it was SCARY… I think I might care a little toooooo much what other people think. But I did it because I wanted to confront my own fears and be REAL with each other.
It was important for ME to breakthrough the insecurities I hide under and share from my heart. And you know what is CRAZY?? We reached OVER 3,600 views on that RAW, weak, honest video. 3,600!!!! WHAT THE WHAT!!!? (Video can be found HERE in case you missed it!)
The crazy thing is how many emails, responses and comments FLOODED in by me simply being me. Raw, makeup free, real ME.
It caused my heart to ponder the deeper work God was doing in my heart.
Why do I spend so much time hiding behind the masks?
Why do I fret over what others think of me?
What am I feeling when I give into those fears? Rejection… Sadness… Hopeless… Anxious…
But what is the deeper desire in my heart?
That desire that was put there BY God?
For me its to make an impact.
To see lives and hearts awakened to truth.
To be known, seen and heard for who I truly am, not who I am projecting.
So that’s the question I want to pose to you:
What are you feeling when you allow comparison to steal your joy?
What desires are so deep down inside of you, screaming to be free?
Breaking free of false expectations and truly being YOU. Wild, crazy, YOU.
Think about what you like to do. What your passions are. What YOUR dreams are. What God says about you and how He made you PERFECTLY.
Do you agree with Him?
I struggle with it… still.
BUT I am asking for grace to love me for ME and love what He worked so hard to make.
Think about some of those fears that seem to paralyze you and comment below with something that you LOVE uniquely about YOU!
We are in this fight for life and light TOGETHER!
I don’t know about you, but most years I have struggled with my birthday.
The longing to feel celebrated… but the fear of being seen.
It is a tension I’ve known all too well.
But this year is different. This year is full of beauty, wonder and freedom from fear.
Freedom from the fear of being truly known. The fear of walking with an open and vulnerable heart, fierce in love.
The fear of rejection and abandonment. The fear of being truly seen for me.
“Show me your face, let me hear your voice; For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.” -Song of Songs 2:14
This year I am on the journey towards releasing fear and entering into the adventure of living from the heart.
Truly letting my heart believe what God says about me and allowing my heart to feel and believe that truth.
Living from the place of total surrender.
Living free from comparison, performance and striving.
I want to come to learn how to live a beautiful life.
Did you know that your beauty is shouting and beckoning those around you.
Your beauty speaks. Your beauty is inviting.
Your beauty is real, raw and vulnerable. Your beauty nourishes those around you.
Your beauty is comforting and alluring. Your beauty is meant to inspire, encourage and bring life.
Your beauty draws those around you to God.
This year I am choosing to live open and vulnerable, and I want to invite anyone willing to embark on the journey.
Living with the goal to know and be known by those around me.
Taking down the walls of preservation and letting the gift of love soften me.
Sometimes life hardens us, shames us and causes us to hide. Not anymore. I welcome you 34, with a heart tender, open and expectant ❤
My journey to healthy living has been long and often lonely, but yesterday I posted that I started juicing a week ago and got a HUGE response from so many friends! My in laws gave us a Nutribullet for an early Christmas gift, and I began using it for 2 meals a day. Crazy thing is I am down a dress size, no longer bloated, my headaches have decreased, I am almost completely off Tylenol and caffeine, I’m sleeping better and my blood sugars are AMAZING! I am a happy girl indeed!
I decided to put some of the details that were asked in the post, yet as I started, I think this will become a mini series on gluten free living, detoxing, juicing and how to naturally shift to a healthy lifestyle.
If you haven’t read my journey as to why I live gluten, grain and sugar free, make sure to pop over HERE. In a nutshell, I have a severe gluten intolerance and I am in the process of shifting my ENTIRE life around to try and get my health back into a better balance. (Easier said then done my friends) I want to make sure that everyone understands that what I explain here on this blog is from my own personal research, my own personal testimony and shared experience. If you are like me and have a medical condition, please consult your doctor!
With that said, I want to share a bit of my childhood, so that you understand the reasond I am so personal and passionate with my health and choice of eating. I tend to be wholehearted and extreme in anything I do, so I hope you find my zeal hope-filled and inspiring!
To understand me a bit, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the young age of 3. I’ve been in and out of the hospitals growing up, with a number of life threatening comas which should have taken my life. The Lords hand was on me, and I see that He saved my life to touch and impact others with His life. I’d like to share vulnerably a bit our my own journey and hope that it meets you wherever you are today.
I started “sneak eating” as early as I can remember. As a diabetic, you are told what you can eat and how much you are allowed to consume at certain times of the day. Yet my sweet little sister was allowed to have all sorts of yummy and decedent food that I “wasn’t allowed” to have, and to my adolescent brain, that wasn’t fair.
I became obsessed with food. Addicted. Consumed. It was often times all I could think of. I would strategically sneak into the kitchen when my mom was out of the room and consume as much as I could in a short amount of time. That lead to constant upset stomach aches, high blood sugars and a mental battle that would follow me into adulthood.
Fast forward 25 years or so and you find me at the ripe age of 28. Migraines were weekly battles and my sugar addiction was out of control. You see, the pesky thing with sugar is that once the cycle starts, it is vicious, aggressive, and near impossible to control. I was about to move to Atlanta Georgia for a semester of school, and before I left, my chiropractor suggested getting off all sugar, grains and gluten. (Gluten, what the heck is that? And how will i survive without SUGAR!)
I decided to try it, seeing as no amount of Tylenol could even remotely touch the headaches. Within the first few weeks I experienced so much energy I was floored to keep going. Just 3 months into living gluten, grain and sugar free, I was 22 lbs lighter, walking with nearly NO headaches and sleeping better than I had in years. I ate a diet of clean & lean animal protein (organic when I could afford), nutrient rich organic vegetables and limited amounts of low glycemic index fruits and berries. It was INCREDIBLE!
I moved back home to finish my last semester of school and life happened FAST when I quickly became engaged to my love & best friend Justin. Throughout that season of graduating college with my him living and serving an orphanage in Brazil, planning a wedding and cross country move, I slipped from eating as clean as I once did and fell back into old habit patterns. We arrived in Atlanta in the Fall of 2012 and a few short months later I was nearly bed ridden with sickness while doctors couldn’t figure our what was going on. I was fighting migraines again, chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, malaise, brain fog and social anxiety and felt just downright MISERABLE. Weeks turned into months and months turned into almost a year until we figured out the greatest attack against my system was a teensy little thing called: GLUTEN.
Gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain species, including barley and rye. Gluten gives elasticity to dough, helping it rise and keep its shape and often gives the final product a chewy texture. (Wikipedia)
At this point we were living almost 80-85% “gluten free”. You know, making sure we “sort of” watched out for it. It made sense to eat ALMOST completely off gluten, but I had never actually researched the affects and symptoms that can come alongside of someone struggling with a gluten intolerance.
The intolerance can be linked with a myriad of symptoms such as:
Autoimmune conditions
Chronic diseases
Skin eruptions, eczema, cold sores, acne
Fatigue
Joint pain
Indigestion
Bloating Gas
Heartburn
Constipation
Diarrhea
Congestion
Anxiety
Moodiness or irritability
Headaches or migraines
When NOTHING else seemed to be working, I had been in and out of meeting with dozens of specialists here in Atlanta and tons of blood work drawn, my husband had the most simple of suggestions one night. He said “well babe, since nothing else seems to be working, what if we just cut out the gluten for a few weeks and see how you feel?”
Made sense to me…
So we did it. But not the 85%. Not even the 96%… NO. We went 100% gluten free. We purged the house. We read EVERY label. We stopped eating out in restaurants (I almost died). And you know what? Within 2 weeks my symptoms had decreased and I was able to function for the first time in MONTHS!!! That’s all it took! No doctor could tell me anything otherwise and as we have now been gluten free for 3+ months, we are never going back.
SO… Why did I share all that??
I want to take the next few posts to develop the understanding and issues that gluten, (sugar, grains, processed foods…) bring. Know that since eliminating it from my diet, so many other symptoms have dissolved, and my body is on its way to healing. Did you know that it takes 7-14 days for gluten to exit your body once introduced, and symptoms of bloating, weight gain, severe stomach discomfort and fatigue can be onset within the hour of ingestion.
Gluten is NO JOKE and not just a “fad diet” gimmick. Even if you don’t suffer from an intolerance like I do, the way gluten is processed in wheat etc these days, most bodies do best in eliminating it from their diet altogether.
SO, that’s a teensy introduction to my journey. It has been long, and I am only in the beginning stages of my healing, but I am on a mission to LIVE as full as I can TODAY. I have struggled with food for my whole life if I am honest, but I know that I am meant to LIVE and LIVE abundantly. At this point I will do whatever it takes to LIVE each day to its fullest. My hope for these posts is where other men and women who are on the same quest for health can come together, share stories, encourage and inspire one another.
I hope you stay tuned these next few weeks as I share a few tips and tricks that I have learned along the way and share your own successes and struggles. We are ALL in this together and none of us are alone. Make sure to comment below any questions or testimonies of your own victory!
Follow up post to come in a few days!
Until next time,
