I am sitting here today reflecting on the reality that I am 31 years old, just crossing over 9 blissful months of marriage to my best friend, and I am truly the happiest I have ever been! Now don’t get me wrong, we have gone through some trying times with financial challenges and me being so sick for months, but at the end of the day, I get to do it all with my best friend. I get to wake up to his sweet little face and hear him say “good morning my love” and it makes every hard day worth it.
Let me tell you this much- I am SO glad I waited for God’s best!
I married a man of compassion, faithfulness, tenderness, and consistency. He shows me the face of Jesus every day, and serves me relentlessly. Often I cry, wondering what I did to deserve such a gift as a husband. SERIOUSLY. He puts up with my crazy, loves me through my stubbornness and calls me higher into who I am supposed to be as a daughter of God. He is my best friend. He makes me laugh, sings silly songs with me, and always tries to find the silver lining when all I can see is grey.
I love you Justin Wade Thomas, and cannot believe we are 3 months away to celebrating our 1 year!!! What a gift you are to me xox
Like the “I don’t want to get out of bed, touch the laundry that’s piled high, forget the dishes, just let me sit on the couch” kind of tired.
And the thing that frustrates me is when there is NO logical, practical explanation for it. THAT BUGS ME!
I want to be the PERFECT housewife that is perfectly organized, always positive, racing around, cleaning, cooking, meal planning, crafting, building and SAVING THE WORLD! I mean, that’s what we think each other are doing, right? “Oh she has it ALL together…”
YEA RIGHT!
Sometimes we are just tired. Life kicks us in the pants and weariness sets in, (Oh LAWD, and I don’t even have KIDS yet!) SHEESH!
So as I was trying to get myself motivated this morning, I turned on the live webstream of IHOP-KC’s prayer room and though it best to soak and pray a bit with worship in the background. I sat down and felt one thing… TIRED. I sat there, bleery eyed, (mind you I had been up, cleaned the kitchen, started a load of laundry, packed the husband lunch and ate breakfast… one would think I would be awake by now!) and just stared at my IPAD aimlessly.
I wanted a fresh touch from God. I wanted my body to feel strong and energized. I wanted to conquer the world…
But there I sat, numb, and tired.
So I did what any normal Christian would do. (Do you sense my sarcasm yet?) I spontaneously “flipped” open my Bible, hoping that whatever page I landed on would be an encouragement for me! (Oh come on, I know you’ve done that before!)
And here is what I landed on! (Wait, it worked!!?)
“You made known to me the path of life, in Your presence there is FULLNESS OF JOY, at Your right hand are PLEASURES FOREVERMORE” Psalm 16:11
I have always LOVED this verse. But this morning, as I was fighting the midweek, Wednesday morning funk, something stuck out to me. I have always meditated on the phrases “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forevermore”, which are WONDERFUL, but this morning my eyes kept coming back to “the path of life”…
I have been wrestling with the Lord for months now about His leadership, the way He sees and views timing, and the fact that right now I often feel like I can’t see 5 days ahead of me, let alone know where He is taking me. I have fought Him on the way He does things, why I have been so sick these last 9 months, and fighting the discouragement and accusation if I have done something “wrong”. You know what I mean… that deep feeling like you are in the wilderness, being tested and tried, but deep down you wonder if you are being punished. That’s where I have been, and let me tell you, I have been TIRED.
But I kept looking at the scripture this morning and suddenly a teensy light bulb came on in my little heart and brain, and I realized that it is God the Father, the tender one who holds my heart and He has MADE KNOWN to me the PATH of life. He gives me bread for today; grace for today; life and breath for TODAY. I have been given TODAY to love Him with all of my heart mind soul and strength. He has made know the mystery of His will to me through His precious Word, and He has shown me the path. Its to love Him. Its to trust Him. Its to walk in obedience to Him, knowing that everything He does is for the benefit of my good.
I fight Him because I can’t see MY plan and MY blueprint. I get frustrated because He does things differently than I would and I don’t always like giving Him control. (Anyone out there!?) And I get TIRED because I resist His leadership. Its like I am fighting to swim upstream, when the whole time He is trying to help me learn to flow and float with the current. Its in his presence, this beautiful agreement with His leadership, that there is fullness of joy. Yet here I am, little, feisty, TIRED me, trying to do things my way. Shaking my little fist at Him when things don’t go according to plan, while all He is trying to do is lead me to the path that will bring RESTto my weary soul.
So today, I encourage you to look at your own heart… Your own life and frustrations and ask yourself this question… Am I tired because I am resisting His leadership? Am I weary because I am scared to let go and let Him lead me down an unknown path that I cannot see the outcome? Am I finally done fighting Him, willing to let Him teach me what it means to walk in the pleasure of obedience?
This is my challenge to ME today, and I invite you into the wrestle. We all have a journey, and we will all stand before Him. What will my hearts response be? Oh Jesus, let it be one of submission and love. Let my hearts response be that I didn’t fight You, but I walked hand in hand with Your perfect leading. even when I couldn’t see in front of me, You lead me to streams of LIVING WATERS.
I don’t think I have to be so tired or so weary in my heart… I think there is an easier answer if I just let go and find rest in His plan.
I am learning that there is SO MUCH to cultivating and managing a blog and online business.
SERIOUSLY. So much!
I came down with the FLU OF DOOM on the 5th of June and couldn’t even come up for air until a few days ago. (Its the 25th!!! That’s a LONG time to be out sick!) I attempted to post updates, or scan orders, but my body was in serious shut down mode and I could barely function, let alone keep up with everything.
But in the blogging world CONSISTENCY IS KEY!
Out of sight, out of mind, and let me tell you I lost some SERIOUS momentum…
BUT NOW I AM BACK IN ACTION!!!
I started this amazing gift of a business because the Lord put it in my heart to do something I LOVE and to help bring in an income for my family. But with any sort of entrepreneur type endeavor, there is risk and no real promise of sales. I realized this as I dropped off the face of the social media planet, that so did my clients. Now don’t get me wrong, its not a bad thing at all! I am blessed and grateful that I am able to have a job that allows my body time to rest and recover when it needs to… And being a type 1 diabetic since the age of 3, there are times where my little immune system tells my body I AM DONE and just shuts down. That is what happened on a grand scale these past few weeks.
So I have been reflecting on the idea of consistency and trust, especially when it comes to stepping out in faith with a home based business, and I felt the Lord encourage me with a few truths.
1. If I am walking in purity of heart and wholehearted obedience, as best as I know how, in ANYTHING I put my hands to, then He is faithful to fulfill His promises. So to me it breaks down this way: I walk in obedience, and the Lord walks in providing. When these rolls begin to reverse and I think that I AM THE ONE who can control things, then I am stepping outside of the will of God. He is the good provider, and I am the one who walks in submission and trust. He asks me to do my part, and He then fulfills His. I am learning that I cannot do His part… AGGGH! HARD!
2. Trust means walking with a happy heart. Trust means walking free of fear and anxiety. What an amazing concept and truth! So often I am bound up in fear, but His word says that perfect LOVE casts out all fear. He also says that the peace of God will transcend all of my understanding. Therefore if I trust Him with my finances (my biggest hurdle) then He will take care of every need, even though it might not look like I want it to. His timing is so different than my own, but if anything I have learned int he last 9 months of marriage, is that He ALWAYSprovides, often in the 11th hour, to produce faith and trust in my heart. WHAT A KIND GOD WE HAVE! He does nothing by mistake and wants my heart to be found fully and wholeheartedly in love. I am learning this truth slowly but surely and am eager to see how His great love transforms and changes my heart over time!
3. He is good and DOES good. He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called by His name. I want to walk in confidence when it comes to this reality. No matter what mountains come my way, or the valleys that try to tear me down, I want to stand in confidence before God that I declared from my life that He is good. All He does is good and though I might not fully understand, He is perfecting love deep within me.
So being sick, loosing a bit of ground when it comes to sales, and fighting through some of these truths has produced a resolve in me that I feel inspired a deep sense of HOPE when it comes to trusting the Lord with my future. I am so touched by the kindness of the Lord and how He speaks through all situations.
He gives us gifts to grow in and I am so eager to see where HE takes me in the joy of making hand made, one of a kind jewelry. This business is Hisand I want it to declare, if only in part, His beauty! I want to trust Him every day, with every part of my heart, and to walk in the JOY that He has set before me.
I want to walk in every season with a happy heart.
So take a look at some of the designs I have been working on, let Him touch your own heart with the dreams He has placed there, and walk away from this little post with a sense of hope that God is good, does good and is in control of everything we need!
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