Sometimes I am just TIRED.
Like the “I don’t want to get out of bed, touch the laundry that’s piled high, forget the dishes, just let me sit on the couch” kind of tired.
And the thing that frustrates me is when there is NO logical, practical explanation for it. THAT BUGS ME!
I want to be the PERFECT housewife that is perfectly organized, always positive, racing around, cleaning, cooking, meal planning, crafting, building and SAVING THE WORLD!
I mean, that’s what we think each other are doing, right? “Oh she has it ALL together…”
Sometimes we are just tired. Life kicks us in the pants and weariness sets in, (Oh LAWD, and I don’t even have KIDS yet!) SHEESH!
So as I was trying to get myself motivated this morning, I turned on the live webstream of IHOP-KC’s prayer room and though it best to soak and pray a bit with worship in the background. I sat down and felt one thing… TIRED. I sat there, bleery eyed, (mind you I had been up, cleaned the kitchen, started a load of laundry, packed the husband lunch and ate breakfast… one would think I would be awake by now!) and just stared at my IPAD aimlessly.
I wanted a fresh touch from God. I wanted my body to feel strong and energized. I wanted to conquer the world…
But there I sat, numb, and tired.
So I did what any normal Christian would do. (Do you sense my sarcasm yet?) I spontaneously “flipped” open my Bible, hoping that whatever page I landed on would be an encouragement for me! (Oh come on, I know you’ve done that before!)
And here is what I landed on! (Wait, it worked!!?)
“You made known to me the path of life, in Your presence there is FULLNESS OF JOY, at Your right hand are PLEASURES FOREVERMORE” Psalm 16:11
I have always LOVED this verse. But this morning, as I was fighting the midweek, Wednesday morning funk, something stuck out to me. I have always meditated on the phrases “fullness of joy” and “pleasures forevermore”, which are WONDERFUL, but this morning my eyes kept coming back to “the path of life”…
I have been wrestling with the Lord for months now about His leadership, the way He sees and views timing, and the fact that right now I often feel like I can’t see 5 days ahead of me, let alone know where He is taking me. I have fought Him on the way He does things, why I have been so sick these last 9 months, and fighting the discouragement and accusation if I have done something “wrong”. You know what I mean… that deep feeling like you are in the wilderness, being tested and tried, but deep down you wonder if you are being punished. That’s where I have been, and let me tell you, I have been TIRED.
But I kept looking at the scripture this morning and suddenly a teensy light bulb came on in my little heart and brain, and I realized that it is God the Father, the tender one who holds my heart and He has MADE KNOWN to me the PATH of life. He gives me bread for today; grace for today; life and breath for TODAY. I have been given TODAY to love Him with all of my heart mind soul and strength. He has made know the mystery of His will to me through His precious Word, and He has shown me the path. Its to love Him. Its to trust Him. Its to walk in obedience to Him, knowing that everything He does is for the benefit of my good.
I fight Him because I can’t see MY plan and MY blueprint. I get frustrated because He does things differently than I would and I don’t always like giving Him control. (Anyone out there!?) And I get TIRED because I resist His leadership. Its like I am fighting to swim upstream, when the whole time He is trying to help me learn to flow and float with the current. Its in his presence, this beautiful agreement with His leadership, that there is fullness of joy. Yet here I am, little, feisty, TIRED me, trying to do things my way. Shaking my little fist at Him when things don’t go according to plan, while all He is trying to do is lead me to the path that will bring REST to my weary soul.
So today, I encourage you to look at your own heart… Your own life and frustrations and ask yourself this question… Am I tired because I am resisting His leadership? Am I weary because I am scared to let go and let Him lead me down an unknown path that I cannot see the outcome? Am I finally done fighting Him, willing to let Him teach me what it means to walk in the pleasure of obedience?
This is my challenge to ME today, and I invite you into the wrestle. We all have a journey, and we will all stand before Him. What will my hearts response be? Oh Jesus, let it be one of submission and love. Let my hearts response be that I didn’t fight You, but I walked hand in hand with Your perfect leading. even when I couldn’t see in front of me, You lead me to streams of LIVING WATERS.
I don’t think I have to be so tired or so weary in my heart… I think there is an easier answer if I just let go and find rest in His plan.
HARD!!? Yes. WORTH IT!? Absolutely.
Rachael Dee xox